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My Daddy makes learning fun. He is always thinking of fun games to play. For example, he loves to play Jerry Lewis Telethon with me when I visit. This is a fun game that teaches me how to survive sleep deprivation. It is an important skill, because being able to stay awake all night long, watching spooky, scary and bloody TV shows will help me in the future if I ever get kidnapped by spies. So, whenever I visit Daddy, we drink lots of coffEE and stay up all night watching Twilight Zone marathons and Pulp Fiction and if I am really sleepy and just can't keep my eyes open, Daddy puts on Alien and asks me to scratch his back. Recently Daddy made up a new game called "Save Julie's House" When Daddy announced that we were going to play a new fun game, at first I was a little worried, but then I saw Daddy's psycho smile with teeth, and I felt comfortable nodding my heaD agreeing to the rules before he even told me what they were! This new game is SO much fun!! It is a game that will teach me that gambling is NOT good for you, and even worse for you if you lose. I have learned how to be very good at picking the winner in horse races! Here is how the game goes. Every day I study the racing entries to see which horses are racing that day at my favorite track. Then I ask Julie (my bummy hole) to concentrate with all her might and through anus telepathy, a vision comes to me, and I write down the horse that my anus picks as winner for each race. For every race that I pick a loser, I add one cane stroke to my tally. For every horse that gets second or third place, I get no cane strokes added. If I pick the winner, then I get three strokes of the cane deducted from my total. Also, if the horse I pick has very high odds and it wins, I get to deduct six cane strokes!! Then I pick one horse each night as my "Julie pick of the evening" and if that horse wins I get to deduct six strokes but if that horse doesn't get FIRST (even second or third) then I earn two strokes instead of the usual one stroke. You see, this last bit of fun was added to teach me accuracy, since I was picking a lot of second and third place winners. Julie has certain horses that are her favorites and after playing this game for a while, I have learned which horses are which, and which sulky drivers I like, and can tell when a horse moves up a class, but mostly I pick horses by listening to my doo doo hole. She really knows what she is doing and has very good anus-intuition. I think all little girls should learn to trust their anus intuition and the world would be a better place. I have been playing for twenty nights so far, and I think I am doing pretty good. I have only earned 35 cane strokes. Since there are usually 12 or 13 races a night, I am doing really well! It could be much worse! Last night I picked THREE first place horses and one of them was a long shot, and I ended up being able to deduct 8 strokes from my tally! So soon I will hand Daddy my tally sheet and he will bare my bottom and give me all the cane strokes I have earned. I realize it is going to hurt, but I deserve them, because I need to learn to be a better gambler! Then, after my bottom is all hot and red and sore, we will stay up ALL night playing Jerry Lewis Telethon!! © 2007 by zprymantis@smilingwithteeth.com, not to be reposted or distributed without permission |